Dear Arms……I need less of you!

So as the weight continues to shred I’m noticing that my arms are hanging longer and longer. If I lay my arm flat my arm looks just as fat as it was pre op. I’m really hating this and find it quite disgusting. I realize that at one time they were filled with lumpy fatness, but that fat is going and now I have the worst bat wings ever! I want to wear sleeveless and strappy tops/dresses and I’m not sure how comfortable I’ll feel doing so b/c if I lift my arm that shit looks crazy. For real.

Then there is the whole belly issue. To explain, pre op I had what I called a B shaped belly. Like it was seriously shaped like the letter “B” The top belly being smaller than the bottom more obnoxius belly. Albeit smaller and slimming, it’s still like this huge pouch that I just can’t get rid of. I reached out to a highly recommend plastics doc, who has extensive experience doing body lifts, tummy tucks, arms, etc for those of us who have had weightloss surgery. I really want these arms trimmed and the belly pouch gone like yesterday. Those are the two areas that I’m completely self-conscious about. It’s horrible and I’ve even figured out how to contour my body so that my man can’t really see how wretched it really is during our sexing.

I have even considered taking a knife to that pouch myself and getting the ball rolling, but than I envision bleeding out and the ambulance not arriving on time and them someone linking this blog post to that and I’ll end up in some mental asylum and my daughter grows up hating me and spirals out of control. So yeah….that picture keeps my ass in the gym doing cardio, abs and anything and everything to burn as much fat off as I possibly can.  Then there’s the whole, having another child consideration. I do want another child, and I want that child by the time my daughter, who’s turning 1 years old next week, turns two. I want to be done having kids by 35, plus my then 2 yo will be able to assist, so in my mind its a plan.

So I may just have to masking tape my fat ass arms in and rock all the cute summer gear I plan to purchase for the low-low price b/c I’ll be wearing larges and such. The belly, I just don’t know what I can do about it. I attribute it to being the primary reason that I’m still in 14w presently. I can wear some 12ws, but they are a little more snug (thanks to that damn pouch) than I prefer. Summer dresses I can wear large or extra large. Just depends on how its made. I’m the maxi dress queen so I’m good for a large in those. I have a big ass, hips and a very small waist so shopping sometimes presents a challenge but I make it work. Nothing like having a great tailor on hand to nip and take in where necessary. I guess I’ll just have to see how this all plays out….ugh

March Madness!!!

March is my happy month! I’m excited for a number of reasons, first up Spring starts this month, second up my daughter’s 1st bday is on the 30th. So I was thinking about what I could do to ensure that I make my goal, even surpass it. On Monday, 2/28 I began the Induction phase of the Atkins diet. I’ve done Atkins in the past and it definitely worked but I didn’t work it. Today is Day#4 of Induction and I feel just fine.  My carb withdrawal day was Tuesday and it was really rough. I had the worst migraine ever! My head was throbbing off and on all day. When I finally made it home and put my little one to bed, I was fast asleep myself. This week I’ve also started my 4 day/week workouts, meaning that I will workout a minimum of 4 days a week. Next week I’m going to push myself to do 5 days and/or 2-a-days for 4 days a week. I have The Biggest Loser Wii game on loan from my neighbor and a Pilates game too, I’ve done absolutely nothing with either. They are literally just sitting there waiting on me to do something with them.  I must admit, I’m not the workout at home type, but I will give it a try. It surely can’t hurt.

Been thinking about getting the Wii Fit system and really go to work at home! Toning is going to be key for me. I’m losing the weight by I don’t want the sagging skin. My arms are really bad and I might have to have them nipped and tucked. In fact, I called a highly recommend plastics doc this week to get more information. She works with WLS patients so I’m sure she’s seen it all. I really don’t want to have another surgery (c-section 3/10, VSG 12/10) but this would definitely be the finale! Plastics kinda seems inevitable. Skin has been stretched by fat for years and then all of sudden the fat diminishes, hell the skin doesn’t remember how to shrink back! LOL. What a tangled web we weave….we’ll see. I’m not counting it out completely, but I will do my best to tighten and tone myself.

This morning I weight 212lbs….that means I’ve lost 41lbs since my surgery (12/6/10). Not bad. Certainly wouldn’t have happened that fast sans a much smaller stomach and a lack of ghrelin. :). I should mention that I weighed myself on my new Eat Smart Scale that everyone on OH raved about. So far so good. I just need consistency. If I get on 5 times, then I should see the same weight 5 consecutive times…..unless I take a potty somewhere in between. ;). Ok, starting to ramble. Back to work.

Numbers and shit…

I know there is some controversy within the WLS community as to whether we should be working for numbers or overall health. I personally feel that they are NOT mutually exclusive, rather, that they work in conjunction. Goals give people purpose and something to look forward to.

I need a goal to work towards. It’s just how I’m wired. If I don’t make it, I’m pissed, but so what. I’ll reset, adjust and adapt and do what I need to do to make the goal the next time. Since I’m so damn close to being out of the 200’s all together I’ve set another rather aggressive, yet achievable, goal for myself.

The goal being that I will be in ONEDERLAND by my daughter’s 1st Bday party, which will be April 2, 2011. That gives me more than a month to get’r done!  More like 5 weeks or so to be exact. I can certainly do that. Right now I’m drifting between 218-220 and it’s pissing me off. However, it’s my own fault b/c I’ve been eating whatever the hell I want to eat. LOL.

Now, I’m going back to the basics. Straight protein and green veggies. No fruit, juice, and <30g of carbs a day is my plan. I won’t be eating breads, sugar, etc. No soda and sadly no margaritas either *bangs head against wall*. That margarita fast is gonna hurt worst than anything, but that’s probably been the reason I can’t break this current stall.

I have noticed that I’m enjoying alcohol more now than before surgery and it certainly doesn’t take much to get me WASTED! I still don’t like the taste of it, it definitely needs to be mixed well or I’ll pass. If I feel so inclined, I may allow myself a glass of red wine once or twice a week, no other breaks allowed. I will be working out at least 3 days a week and tracking my grams of protein and carbs. I should have started on Monday, but I guess I’m starting tomorrow, officially. I did make it to the gym today and I have been eating primarily protein so I’ll probably weigh 218 in the morning. I’ll have a protein shake for dinner and will be sure to get my water in daily. Water has been hard for me post op. I used to drink a gallon of water a day preop and now I can barely get 1qt in the entire day. Sadly, I know that is not advancing my cause, so I will do better.

Honestly, I believe that I will surpass my goal b/c I’m about to “go hard in the paint!” LOL. I have a size 14w suit that I must get into and I don’t want it fitting like Sandra Clark’s from the show “227”. I love a well fit suit, but I’m not trying to look like it was painted on….not at work anyway. Ha! Not to mention the size 12w slacks I’ve had since…….let’s just say far too long for the tags to still be on them.

Anyway, once again its on!

Farewell 220’s

After having a huge disappointment on 1/31, I was a lot leery about getting on the scale this morning. I’d told myself that I was going to avoid it all together for about 2 weeks, but that didn’t happen..LOL.

This morning I got on the scale and weighed 219! I’m so happy to finally be out of the 220’s. It seemed to have been a long time coming but I’m finally here. Next goal is 209!!

I should mention that I’m having soooo much fun these days. I guess losing nearly 35lbs is quite noticeable b/c the men are lining up! I’m also proud that my 14/16’s are starting to get a little loose on me. I had on some size 16 slacks yesterday and that literally looked as if they belonged to someone else. I am curvy so I carry most of my weight in hips, ass and thighs….otherwise known as being a BRICKHOUSE!!!! LOL. I do love my shapeliness and I feel really sexy too. Win/Win!

January Goal

I haven’t posted in a while, figure its time. So here is my month-end goal….to be OUT of the 220’s! This morning I was still weighing 221 and that’s probably b/c I didn’t eat much yesterday, workout hard and my body is holding on to sodium. At least, that’s what I hope it is. So, in order to move forward I’m going to eat more frequently and drink more water. I’m so close that I can taste it. When I weigh in on Monday, 1/31/11 I need to weigh 219 or less!!!

I’ve lost 33lbs and I can definitely see/feel the difference. It’s like the whole world is noticing too. Men are falling all over themselves and I’m absolutely enjoying it! My size 16’s fit nice and some are even too big. Just depends. I tried on a pair of size 12w slacks that I purchased for like $5 a while back and I put them on. I mean, all the way on, just couldn’t button or zip’em….so yeah, I still got a ways to go. But I’m happy and enjoying the journey.

Stalling

I think I’m in a stall. It’s totally my fault b/c I know I haven’t been eating nearly enough and my body probably thinks its being starved to death. I guess I need a little bit of ghrelin…LOL. Food definitely doesn’t hold the same value that it once did. I could go without it but I know I need to eat. I don’t want my body to be malnourished nor do I want to feel like crap, so I will figure it out. One day at a time.

1 month in…..

and 24lbs down!!! How awesome is that! I weighed this morning just for my monthversary….and I reached my goal, which was to be out of the 230’s!! I’m 229….so next goal is to be out of the 220’s. I must admit that I haven’t been following the post op diet b/c its just too unrealistic for me and I feel like the sooner I adapt to a “normal” eating regimen, the better. So…while I do still get the protein in, I’ve been experimenting with different meats. I’ve tried thin, boneless pork chops and they go down just fine. Chicken and seafood have never been a problem. Beef I haven’t attempted just yet. I know how long beef sits in the stomach so I probably won’t be eating much of it anyway.

I’m so excited!! I’ve been to the gym everyday this week burning at least 600 cals per workout.I want to make sure that as the weight comes off that I’m tone and tight. I don’t want to look like I’m walking around in a skin bag….yuck!

I am quickly learning when to say when. My tiny stomach can only hold about 3-4 ozs any more than that and I feel like I have to vomit. I don’t like feeling sick or too full, both are horrible feelings.

In non-sleeve related news….my daughter slept through the night last night. I couldn’t believe it. She was put to bed around 7pm and I woke up at 2am thinking that I’d missed her cry. I looked at the monitor and it was quiet, so I did what any mother would do. I tiptoed into her room to check and make sure that she was still breathing…LOL. This is a huge milestone b/c she’s 9 months old and teething w/6 teeth in now, but I was still hopeful that we would soon be at the STTN stage b/c Mama needs some rest! LOL

So today is definitely a happy day!!!

New Year….New You

I really hate to be a cliché’ but New Year…New You completely describes my thoughts, intent and goals for my physical, mental, and financial health. Like seriously. The sleeve clearly gives me an advantage on the physical aspect but there is certainly plenty of work to be done towards that end. I’ve been on holiday vacation for a week and a half and I cannot wait to get back in the gym come Monday. I’ve still managed to lose, once I realized that I really needed to eat more and get the fluids in. I hope to be out of the 230’s by tomorrow. We’ll see if that happens.  My one month post op is 1/6/11 and I’m hoping to have lost a total of 25lbs….right now I”m about 21.8lbs lost.  Ironically, people are starting to notice that I’m losing weight. Coworkers were making comments even before I left for the holiday. So I suppose this speaks volumes about losing inches even when the scale doesn’t budge.

My daughter’s grandmother said that she noticed that my thighs look leaner…only in her eye though….LOL. I can see the weight coming off from the top. My face, neck, shoulder and back appear more lean. My Mom says that by butt is smaller…LOL. I don’t want it to get too small. I like having a DUNK! LOL. The one area I wish would just evaporate is this dang on belly! Ugh! I hate it and I have like the two-part belly. That is, the belly with a pouch. Hate that damn pouch! I’m prayerful that lower ab work will help it to diminish to nothingness in the coming months.  By this summer I don’t want to see belly rolls. So whatever I have to do, I”ll be doing it.

2011 will also bring about a number of events. To start, my daughter’s 1st birthday party! I’m so excited about planning this mini extravaganza and will probably post more as the date comes closer. My girls and I have also planned a few excursions. In May I’m going to Miami and taking my daughter to the beach for the first time. I have a good friend there and she’s been asking me to come back since I was last there. In August some girlfriends and I are going to Aruba or Costa Rica for a Girl’s Get-a-way! I have no doubt that this will be fun, fun, fun! I’m hoping to have reached my goal weight by the end of August 2011. In November, me and my two besties are going to Vegas! They have both been and I have never been to Vegas. Not sure how I’ve not made it there yet, but I’ll definitely be there in November. I”m just stoked about it!

So here’s to making it all happen in 2011 because it’s certainly possible!!!

Not feeling the love…

So many VSG’ers chant the mantra of “Loving Their Sleeve”….well I ain’t loving my sleeve just yet. In fact, I don’t like my sleeve, but I do like the slow and steady weight loss. The problem that I’m having is not wanting to eat at all. I just don’t want to be bothered with food b/c it’s too uncomfortable to eat. I don’t care what it is really (exception being most liquids) it feels like cement going down. No who wants to feel like they’re eating cement daily? Not me! I’m tired of drinking protein shakes and the few “healthy” options of protein that I have are disgusting to me now. Eating just doesn’t have the same pleasure it once did. I suppose that was the goal in a sense, but damn….I do have to give my body something to function. I’m taking as many naps as my 9 month old daughter. I just feel blah…….

Hopefully this will change and I’ll be ordering my “I Love My Sleeve” shirt soon, but for now…..I just ain’t feeling it. I’m sure this is an emotional phase that all newbies must go through. This too shall past eh?

2 weeks and back to work…and the gym :-/

Today is my first day back to work and I feel great! I’m finally back to me!! This is gonna be a really short work week b/c I’m off Thurs & Friday for the Christmas holiday and I’m off all the following week on vacation. So basically, after Weds I’m off until 2011!!! How fantastic is that. I’m excited. I’ll get to spend some special, precious moments with my daughter and celebrate her 1st Christmas….yaay!

So today marks 2 weeks post op and I feel pretty outstanding. Work was cool, I didn’t feel tired…mostly bored, but not tired. I worked out with a coworker who really pushed me and I felt fantastic afterwards. Had protein shake and finished up the workday. Now, I’m feeling kind of tired so I’ll probably be going to bed early. Early for me is before midnight. Ha. Anyway, I weighed in this morning, down 4lbs since last week. Kinda disappointed with that number, but then again I haven’t been getting my protein and water in like I’m supposed to. I’m going to do better this week with that, plus working out, hopefully I’ll see 10lbs gone on Monday. Yes, I know Christmas is this weekend, but I’ll be ok b/c most of the stuff I love I can’t eat anyway. :(.

I’m able to eat about 3 turkey/chicken meatballs, which I had for a pre workout lunch. Tried to eat three for dinner and no mas. I was only able to eat 2 meatballs w/melted cheese on top sitting in a little marinara sauce before I felt stuffed and stopped. There is no way to miss being full now. It’s so uncomfortable. Actually, I’m queued to stop even before I get that stuffed feeling which I hate. Continuing to incorporate random circuits in my workout is sure to get me to my goal without the hanging, loose skin. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. I will be doing my part, that’s for sure.